On and On....

On and On/ She just keeps on trying

And she smiles when she feels like crying

Toss up my heart and I'll see where it lands

That's an old Stephen Bishop song! You know those music infomercials that come on during late night TV?? 70s Solid Gold Soul/Lite Rock , etc. I live for that mess. They make me so freaking happy. I think I was born in the wrong decade.

Anyway, EH and I finally had our appointment with SuperDoc today. The office staff called us this morning and tried to postpone it but you KNOW I wasn't having that! I put some bass in my voice and headed that off at the pass. They were trying to tell me that there was some sort of office emergency. I was like, "Guess what? This is an emergency too." End of discussion.

We were actually in good spirits on the way up there, which was a bit of a surprise for me. I pictured myself being just completely distraught; I did feel a little twinge as we approached the building but it wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be. I turned to EH and told him, "Your job today is to make sure we don't get rushed out of this here office." And praise the Lord he made sure that didn't happen.

We sat with SuperDoc in her office for a good while discussing some talking points I created and where we would be going from here. I'm so proud of myself for getting it all together beforehand because I wouldn't have asked nearly as many questions if I didn't have a list in front of me. SuperDoc went over everything on my list one by one and in detail.

EH and I are still in a holding pattern because we've got to wait until we're 12 weeks (September 2013) out from our miscarriage to get the blood tests that we need to make sure they're not skewed by any hormones that might be left behind. We've gotta check if my blood is clotting too fast, if my thyroid is more out of wack than I thought, if I've got lupus...the list goes on and on. The fix may be as simple as taking a baby aspirin to thin my blood out a bit or it may require extra folic acid or some serious blood thinners.

Sometimes I shake my head and wonder if all this is worth it.

We discussed my progesterone levels, which were not checked after I got pregnant, so that could very well be an issue. As an aside: Why don't these doctors check progesterone levels once you get pregnant?? Don't they know how important it is??

We decided that we'll be using progesterone in oil the next go around so the levels can be measured in my blood. EH will have to shoot me up every night for approx 10 weeks when we get pregnant again. I admit I'm totally freaked by this possibility but I know I need to cover all my bases. EH thinks that maybe it won't hurt as much because my ass has plenty of cushioning. We'll see about that.

I also got recommendations for an Ob/Gyn, that will hopefully be able to give us the one on one attention we need, and a Perinatologist that specializes in complicated, high risk pregnancies. Hopefully we can do consultations with both during August. All in all, it's nice to be taking my life back into my hands instead of waiting around in the dark again. It gives me so much comfort to know that we're doing something.

EH and I finally told his mom and dad about what's going on with us in terms of infertility. We didn't share the losses because I knew they would be upset that we didn't share it with them. We basically said, "It's gonna take longer than usual and we're getting help from a doctor." I tried to explain PCOS but I don't think they truly understood what we were saying. My mother-in-law quickly jumped to her son's defense. "Oh no, our family is very fecund. His aunts and uncles are very good with making babies and I had to get the surgery to make sure I didn't get pregnant again."

I think she was trying to reassure me that her son came from good fertile stock. We looked at each other and laughed when we left her house amazed that she used the word fecund in a sentence. These are folks that never really bothered to master the English language so we were very proud and impressed.

If she only knew how deep this stuff goes.....I love her though because she feeds me and lets me lay my head on her lap for however long I want.

At least it's out there.