Tuesday, December 3, 2013

El Bebe Esta Bien!

I am half agony half hope.
 EH and I went for our confirmatory visit at the Ob/Gyn yesterday and got some good news! Baby is doing well with a good heartbeat and measuring well :-) We're 7 weeks today.

I don't know if our doc was having an off day or what but she didn't have the greatest manner and that rubbed me the wrong way. I could totally be projecting here....but I don't think so. The ultrasound tech was much nicer to us but we were all business. I think they both were a little taken aback by how nonchalant EH and I were when they showed us the baby on the screen. There was nary a peep out of us; we just looked at the screen and nodded our heads. I looked at the baby's heartbeat and silently wished for it to keep beating. We were thisclose to refusing the ultrasound picture altogether but I kept it and haven't really looked at it since our appt.

The doc recommended that we see a Perinatologist so I have to make an appointment for that soon. We're going to our last appt with SuperDoc next week and maybe I'll be in a better head space by then.

Pray for us ya'll; We're suffering from some serious trauma. We honestly don't know how to react to good news anymore. I feel like I just came back from war and I'm trying to reorient myself. Maybe that's why I post it here. I'm hoping that soon I can look back on these posts and feel the joy that I'm supposed to be feeling.

On the way home EH reminded me that I didn't owe anybody anything in regards to my feelings and I'm hanging onto that. Part of the reason why I love this blog so much is that I get to be my true self, warts and all. It's hard to be where I'm at mentally. I still find myself absently cradling my stomach when I'm laying in bed at night so there must be a part of me that is identifying with this pregnancy in a hopeful way.

In other news, I would like some crab legs or lobster....


  1. EH is absolutely right. You don't owe anyone anything. I can't imagine the tug o war you must be going through emotionally.

    There are totally no words to say so instead I'm shooting you a million happy positive awesome thoughts and prayers and a Care Bear Stare from the boonies that surround Chicago.

  2. Thank you, Bek! I'm holding onto that fact throughout all this. I get to feel whatever I want to feel, whether it's joy or sorrow, and that's a comfort to me