Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Kristen Stewart is My Homey

El Hubster and I trekked it up to Westchester to our RE at Sher Institute to discover our fate! I pat myself on the back for being upbeat and happy on the way there. I purposefully tried to not even think of why we were going and to instead look at it as a nice trip with El Hubster. That didn't last long!

First of all, it takes like two hours and two buses , each way, to get up there and I'm always wondering to myself why we picked an RE that was so far away from us when there is a perfectly good location in Manhattan. I chalk that up to craziness and also wanting to be treated by a Black female doctor. Something about her looking like me comforts me.

And let me tell you, this chick is BAD as in GOOD!... Doctor in the Army/Yale/Harvard Grad/Fertility Specialist. El Hubster places a high premium on credentials so he was pleased that she comes from such a great background. This woman really holds all of our (medical) hopes and dreams in her capable hands. In fact, we've placed her on such a high pedestal that we have to knock her down a peg. She's super expensive. We've got a $50 co-pay for every visit and a $50 co-pay for telephone conversations...YEEESH! El Hubster always teases me that he won't look her in the eye so that he doesn't have to pay a co-pay for seeing her. His humor is such a joy to me.

So, we get to the office a little early and go to a little cafe on the grounds to kill some time and, after all that traveling, we're starving! We eat some rice and chicken, drink some water and El Hubster cracks jokes to take my mind off the appointment. Finally we enter the office and I can already feel my anxiety rising. As soon as I get in I'm peeing in a cup. For anyone who's gone through this horrible journey, it seems like we're always peeing in a cup. We're shown into the ultrasound room and I strip down and take my seat on the table. This part is always so awkward. I look around and notice my "date" for the day already lubed up and ready to go!


El Hubster is sitting too far away from me and I make him sit next to the table so I can feel him there. He takes a moment to pull my shirt down over my butt so it's not showing and I love him for this. There are no secrets in this space but I love that he thought to protect my modesty.

Doc and her assistant come in, make small talk for a minute. She asks me how I am and I grunt and smile. I really want to be like, "I'm actually a bundle of nerves and would love for you to get this over with!"
She finally gets to it and it's uncomfortable. It's ALWAYS uncomfortable. I'm squeezing El Hubster's hand for dear life and he doesn't complain. Soon, she's moving the wand all up in my uterus and is explaining to us what she's seeing---NOTHING!! I breathe a sigh of relief and thank God for his mercy and favor. The only thing in my uterus was a small cyst that developed during my cycle, which the Doc assured me was "resolving."

My type A brain started calculating next steps immediately. I told Doc that I didn't ovulate last month and that I had been before I got on Metformin. Doc tells me that is strange because the Met is supposed to help me ovulate. I assure her that this is not the case and ask about next steps. I ain't tryin' to waste no time up in here! She tells me we can't start any meds until my cyst resolves. She orders some blood work to check the levels of my hormones to see if Clomid is warranted. Alright, GOOD! I hate when doctors don't listen to their patients and I was glad that she took my concern seriously. I have read miles of research on Metformin and its tendency to stop ovulation.

After El Hubster pays through the teeth for our appointment, we leave the office and I'm surprised that instead of feeling like this:

I feel like this:

El Hubster is confused and asks me,"Are we supposed to be happy now or no?" We've gotten this great piece of news! No more fibroids, clear uterus, go ahead and try to make a bambino and I can't muster the enthusiasm. I'm terrified of the TTC process. It proved to be so arduous the first time around. And even though it only took us two months to get pregnant..what a two months it was....I remember a lot of little fights, snapping at El Hubster, resenting him when he was too tired to have sex, practically mauling him one morning so that I could get my deposit before he went to work. Crying when the pee stick wasn't positive. And after that, the trauma of getting pregnant and finding out that our baby didn't develop. Did I want to go through that again?? Probably not but I want to add to our family so badly that I'm willing to do it all again.

Just got off the phone with the RE's office and it looks like my hormones were wrecked enough for me to start! I don't know if I should be happy or sad...I feel another creative project coming on.

No comments:

Post a Comment