Wednesday, September 4, 2013

Labor Days

EH and I didn't celebrate this past Labor Day as we would have liked. I had visions of myself getting much browner on the sand at Rockaway Beach but instead we got a downpour that took up all of any quality beach time we were trying to have. As a consolation prize we went outside the city to a mall in Yonkers, saw the new Woody Allen film, Blue Jasmine, and then had some food at the Cheesecake Factory. It was a pretty relaxing day. We're hoping we can still go to the beach this upcoming weekend since the weather is still somewhat nice in NYC. I've been longing for a tropical vacation for about two years now. I'm holding out hope that we can end up in the Caribbean with our next pregnancy. Maybe drinking virgin Pina Coladas on a beach in Puerto Rico will make it all seem real.


I visited with an Endocrinologist in the city last week. It went pretty well and it looks like we're going to be working together to get my thyroid levels back under control. Today, we interviewed a prospective Ob/Gyn for our next pregnancy and of course she's pregnant....with TWINS! It turns out SuperDoc was the one who knocked her up. Go figure. We really liked this Ob/Gyn, pregnancy notwithstanding, but she'll be out on maternity leave in October and won't be back until January, so we'll have to work with one of her colleagues until she's back. EH thinks it's worth it because at least we won't have the Ob/Gyn Inc. experience again. This office is much smaller and seems much more amenable to the kind of care that we want. The office is willing to let us have ultrasounds/heart beat monitoring every two weeks instead of every month and we're pretty confident that she's going to work closely with the perinatologist to make sure we're as successful as we can be. As a bonus, it's located in a little house on the grounds of the hospital where I had my myomectomy so we won't have to go far when we deliver. EH and I were laying in bed last night about to go to sleep when he said, "All of this makes me feel so old." I sighed because I finally felt like he got a small part of what I've been feeling for three years. At times I feel like my hopes and dreams are in an hourglass and I'm being forced to watch the sand run out. The whole process is very "hurry up and wait" with more waiting than hurrying. If I could pinpoint the hardest part of all of this it would definitely be the waiting.


My best friend had some pre-term contractions this week and I went to the hospital ready to support her yesterday just in case it was labor time. I woke up feeling such weird, amorphous emotions. I was anxious and excited at the same time. There was a large part of me that was so, so happy that my best friend was going to be a mom soon and that I might get to be there when it happened. And there was another large part of me that was just incredibly sad. Both sides were at war with each other and I hope it didn't show too much on my face...there was a lot of grimace, smile, grimace, smile, happening in the cab on the way to the hospital. Thankfully, once I got to the hospital I was able to set all that aside and be there for her; fully present and not thinking about myself. I think I've also just learned to shut off my emotions a little from having worked in a hospital environment during my internship. You learn how to shut fear and anxiety down  pretty fast when you're walking into a room to see a person who just lost their breasts to cancer. I don't reflect on those times as much as I should. I think I would be kinder to myself if i did. 

It turns out it wasn't time just yet but I'm on call for the next two weeks. Eeeeek! I can't wait to meet and hold him. I've been road dogs with his mom for so long that I really feel like he's mine too. He's all of my babies that I never got to meet and hold. While I was visiting, she shared with me that she had a baby shower. I asked why I wasn't invited very indignantly but then I finally admitted that I probably wouldn't have gone. It turns out that her sister knew about our loss and thought it best not to put me through all that. God bless her because if she had asked I wouldn't have had the heart to say no. She's now determined that I should have a baby shower. I told her we could have one in the OR when my baby's out of the incision.


EH and I are finally going to paint our bedroom!! Oh Happy Day!!! I originally wanted to paint it a color called Quiet Moments but when I saw the paint swatch in the store it looked a little too green. Note to self: a color on the computer is not the same color on the swatch card! I should write this in lines on a chalkboard somewhere because I always choose the color on the computer and then go to the store when it should totally be the other way around. We, and by we I mean I, settled on a color called Ocean Air, in the second to last column below.

Benjamin Moore
We tried Gossamer Blue, which is on the same swatch, first but I found it to be a little too dark since our bedroom doesn't get as much light as I'd like. Here it is below the Gossamer Blue in our bedroom. I'm realizing more and more than I'm a "neutral with a little bit of color" kind of gal. This picture, obviously, doesn't show the true color. It really does look like a beautiful light ocean blue. I think we have a winner!! Unless I change my mind.....


  1. Hey girl! LOL I feel like we haven't "talked" in forever! I love that color. And i was just oogling Gossamer Blue. LOL.

    I wish we lived closer to the beach. I mean there's Lake Michigan but that's not the same as the ocean. There something to be said for standing next to the expanse of the ocean and being able to reflect on how big life is. I will live vicariously through your salt water.

    I'm glad you've found a Ob/gyn that you like and that's willing to adapt to meet your needs. Tell your thyroid to get it together.

    And I'm glad for the open(ing) lines of communication with your bf. That's awesome, and a sign of a good friendship, being able to talk out even the hard stuff. Sounds like you handled things well :-)

  2. Great minds....! I am sending Beach juju your way and am confident that the "words" your writing will get you to a real beach post haste!I hear the Dominican Republic is super cheap these days....ahem....plug for EH's country.

    I'm working on the health stuff a lot these days. Sometimes it's a bit overwhelming but I put one foot in front of the other and get it done. Have to keep reminding myself that the goal is greater than my anxiety.

    I'm very lucky to have my BF. It got a bit hairy for a few moments in the hospital when I heard a newborn baby next door crying but I pushed through it.