Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Feelin' Some Kind of Way

Went to see SuperDoc again our CAR!! Yay!!! We got lost at least twice on the way because my husband is stubborn and Dominican and refuses to listen to the GPS...even though he has NO IDEA where he's going. And this is the first time we've been up there without it raining cats and dogs.

SuperDoc measured my follies and told me that there was one developing on my right and left ovary...I guess that's good news. I've got to go back again on Friday to measure them again and give more blood for a hormone check...and will probably have to go back on Monday as well.

I don't think I realized how emotionally difficult this would be. I'm really tryin' to push on but I'm feeling some kind of way...

We visited our old church  last Saturday night for the birthday party of one of the pastors that we really liked. It was a very nice surprise birthday party planned by his adult children and it came together very well. So, El Hubster and I are hanging out in the lobby talking to a few folks, saying goodbye to a few people we didn't see last Sunday and I'm chillin' trying to keep myself under control as much as possible (I was two days into Clomid by this point).

My old Pastor (whose wedding I planned and who I sat on a Community Board with) and another Board Member step to me and say, "You look so rested! Doesn't she look rested?!" "This is what happens when you can drop everything and just disappear!"


And then the Pastor, who I consider a friend/acquaintance, says to me, "I don't know how you do it. How do you spend your days?"

Oh I don't know, lemme see.......I was busy having two miscarriages (while I sat on YOUR Community Board), a myomectomy and six-week recovery, keeping track of ten different pills a day and their dosing schedules, and going to White Plains three times a week to get my vag probed!

But what really came out was: "I'm studying for my social work licensing exam." The stock answer that El Hubster has advised I say when people ask this dumb ass question!

I wish it ended there....another Ex-Pastor's wife, who I haven't seen in a good long while, sees me and says, "You've lost a lot of weight haven't you?"

Errrrrrrrr.....I guess so.

Then she scoots over to me and asks, "Tell me how you did that?"


Ummm...I'm exercising and eating a little better....

........and taking medication that dulls my appetite so that my PCOS acts right so I can have a baby with my husband!!!

Why are people so stupid? And why do people feel they have the right to be so invasive?? If someone loses weight, notice it and move on. There is NO NEED to approach someone and congratulate them on it or ask how they did it.

Keep Steppin'. You. Are. Rude.

I've never understood this concept. I'm not a person that shares everything with everyone so I just don't get it. People are entitled to privacy in their thoughts and deeds. Not everything needs to be explained.

It really makes me wish I could remove the veil and be completely and totally honest with folk. How would they react if they knew I struggled to get out of bed some mornings? That having sex with my husband is emotionally draining at times and fills me with guilt? That most of the time I don't even want to be around people?

As the night went on I just got more and more irritated and we left before the cake was cut...I just couldn't deal with all these people and their small talk conversations. I hate small talk....if I was being questioned by the FBI all they would have to do is small talk me to death and I would tell them everything.

Ok, rant over. I need to go see The Place Beyond The Pines with Ryan Gosling and Bradley Cooper.....that trailer is crazy and I love a man on a motorcycle...

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