7:15 am: Receive a text message from the pastor of my old church announcing the birth of their baby boy. I am crushed and bitter and angry. The news of the baby's arrival makes me yearn for my lost little ones. I pull the covers over me in bed and try to go back to bed. Too late; I'm awake and it's already shaping up to be one of my "bad" days.
7:30 am: Join EH in the living room as he gets ready for work. Watch television news and offer to make breakfast.
7:45 am: Fed EH scrambled eggs with fried plantains. Marvel at the fact that he gets to go to work. Wonder if I'll ever be able to contribute in the same way ever again. I'm beginning to miss working. He says," So,you got the text I see." I nod. "Did you respond?" he says. I did; right away like peeling off a band-aid. "I was gonna tell you not to. I would've done it for the both of us." I smile.
9:00 am: Eat breakfast. Remember that I forgot to take thyroid medication. :Forehead smack: Take pill. Goodbye kiss from EH and a last admonition "Don't stay in here all day!"
9:30-10:00 am: Sit on the couch and watch CNN, stare into space, figure out what I'm going to do for the day. Take Metformin, Vitamin D, Prenatals.
10:00 am: Decide to paint something for the wall above our bed. I need something, anything to distract me. Call RE's office and schedule preliminary ultrasound before Clomid cycle 2. I am anxious and it makes me short with the receptionist.
10:15 am: Call EH to make sure appt is OK with his schedule. Start painting while listening to CNN.
1:00 pm: Errand to CVS to pick up low dose aspirin, which I'm still contemplating taking, and maxi pads.
1:20 pm: Snack on gluten free crackers. Back to painting.
2:00 pm: Warm up some hot-pocket like food for lunch. Contemplate reading my Bible but don't. I'm angry at Him today.
2:30 pm: Back to painting. Feel the blissful peace that comes with extreme focus on a task.
3:00 pm: Finish painting and hang above bed. Do a happy dance. Feel accomplished.
3:30 pm: I'm getting sleepy but refuse to take a nap; Nap taking is not allowed. Decide to sign on to Bloglovin and check blogs/twiiter/Facebook. More CNN. Shake my head at the stupidity of elected leaders.
4:00 pm: Contemplate going for a run but this is an off day. Stare into space. Get teary, try not to cry.
4:30 pm: Flip through saved shows on TiVo. Watch America's Next Top Model. Marvel at how easy life can be. Realize I hate this show. Why can't I stop watching this show??
5:00 pm: Should probably start making dinner. Season chicken.
6:00 pm: Read some blogs and discover that it's National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. Sigh. Maybe that's why I feel so shitty. Cry. Light a candle.
7:00 pm: Start writing blog post while making chicken and rice.
9:00 pm: Eat dinner.
9:27 pm: EH finally comes home. Josh runs to his scratch post and scratches for at least 3 minutes. Realize I might need a scratch post.
9:30 pm: EH and I watch the latest episode of the Duggars. It's one of our favorite shows.
Something about a woman with a crap load of kids just appeals to me, for obvious reasons.