Wednesday, June 12, 2013

Reflections on 32

I'm having an Adele moment today. I loved that she named her albums after her age at the time of their conception. What a way to document the moments, triumphs and tragedies of a year.

It has me thinking about the images that have made up my year:

1. Becoming a Board Member for a non-profit, finding my voice and realizing that I was totally ok with making hard decisions.

2. My excitement at finding out we were pregnant for the second time.

3. The image of an empty womb at our 9 week ultrasound and how broken I felt.

4. Feeling literally like the walking dead for about three months afterward.

5. Meeting our RE and getting on the treatment horse....again.

6. Sitting and staring into space for hours at a time.

7. Getting off my ass and becoming interested in life again.

8. Running, running, running...sometimes running while crying.

9. Making the scary decision to leave the church we had gotten married in.

10. Waking up next to El Hubster every morning,  being both grateful for him and resentful because I felt he wasn't hurting enough.

11. Sharing margaritas and laughs with my best girlfriend.

12. Missing my mom, wishing she were capable of missing me.

13. Rekindling a relationship with my now adult "little brother."

14. Dancing like crazy in the kitchen to 80s music.

15. Finding the courage to go back to therapy.

16. Finding the courage to quit therapy when it wasn't working.

17. Sitting in the auditorium at the review for my licensing exam and feeling like a professional.

18. Dancing bachata with El Hubster in my in-laws' living room.

19. Sitting in our RE's office as she told me I would have to have surgery.

20. Staring out the window of the train on the way to the hospital thinking about my mortality.

21. Waking up groggy, relieved and happy 3 hours later.

22. Impatience during my recovery.

23. Starting a blog!

24. Discovering an artistic side I never knew existed.

25. Pills, pills pills!

26. Frustration and anger during TTC.

27. Hiking 10 miles and feeling triumphant afterward.

28. Blurry eyed, 5AM positive pregnancy test.

29. El Hubster trying to brush his teeth with the test because he thought it was a toothbrush.

30. Walking the cobblestone streets of Old Montreal on what seemed like a perfect night.

31. The first ride we took in our Ford Crown Victoria.

32. Hearing the beautiful lub dub of a heartbeat and seeing Little P for the first time.



  1. I love this! Love this. (I totally should just write that as my comment on all of your blogs)

  2. Awww....that makes me feel so special, Bek!!! I look forward to your postings too!!